I am the type of person that values personal space. I prefer not to have people close to me. Nothing personal against people, but I just would prefer not to have my space invaded. “Close Talkers” work my nerves, because I just don’t know you like that. That type of closeness is reserved for a very few people.
Closeness, or intimacy, is what occurs after love is given, and trust is addressed. True intimacy, at any level, is achieved only when Godly love and trust is present. Think of the relationship as a green house. The deed is the seed, love is the soil, and trust is the water. What is produced under the light of God’s glory, is the flower of intimacy. This is the only thing that really happens organically, because the levels of love and trust determines the depth of intimacy.
As we consider this closeness, don’t just think about sex. Sex IS intimate, but only in the context of love and trust. Otherwise, people only feel close in that moment. However, this closeness is found in every loving and trust filled relationship. If you read the 20th chapter of I Samuel, you will find a story of two men that were the best of friends and shared the type of intimacy a few ever achieve.
The Bible describes David and Jonathan as covenant brothers, and this shows us that intimacy is accountable. There is a quality within intimacy that makes me responsible to the ones I love. In other words I cannot be in a Godly relationship without being accountable, in some degree, to the other person. There can be no real closeness without declaring accountability. For sex, this is done by marriage. In order to achieve the maximum level of closeness we have to be accountable to one another.
Secondly, intimacy makes one available. In the beginning of chapter 20, David is afraid for his life, so Jonathan finds him to figure out what was wrong. No matter what is going on in our lives, we have to take, or in some cases make, the time to avail ourselves to the people we love. We can’t take the attitude of, “see ya when I see ya,” and expect to be close. That’s impossible.
Additionally, intimacy gives access. David proceeds to share his most darkest fears with Jonathan. This was probably very difficult considering that Saul, Jonathan’s father, was out to kill him. Access given through intimacy involves the good, bad, and ugly. If you cannot show this kind of vulnerability then there is no true closeness.
Finally, intimacy protects and covers. Jonathan devises a plan to protect David from his father, and no matter what it costs him, he vows to protect the life of his friend. True intimacy creates an environment where people feel safe. Be certain when intimacy occurs, that you protect the one you love, and not exploit them. Intimacy is only genuine in the context of safety.
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