After hearing FLOTUS speak the other night, my wife was inspired to write on her blog, about “What a Husband Needs.” In this piece she lays out, very beautifully, how wives should relate to their husbands. So now I’m inspired to write. Every wife needs …
One would think that this would go without saying, but oftentimes, it is the simplest things that get overlooked. As a husband, love is your primary responsibility to your wife. God commands us to love our wives; but not just in any old way. We ought to love her the way Christ loves us. (Ephesians 5:25) The question has to be asked, how does Christ love us? It is very simple. He is sensitive to our needs. He even went as far as to die to meet ours, so we have to be the same way with her. There is a particular way we all feel loved. Dr Gary Chapman calls it a love language. If you already know your wife’s love language begin to communicate it to her everyday without fail. If you have no clue, ask her. Romance is not about magic, it’s about wisdom. So find out how she needs to be loved and be that for her. The benefits are immeasurable!
Your bride needs to know she is safe with you. While this includes physical protection and financial stability, these aren’t primarily what I’m talking about. She wants desperately, even if it is subconsciously, to be vulnerable with you. That is a heavy responsibility, and she needs to know that she can trust you with her vulnerability. You have assure her, that because you love her, you will not expose or exploit her walls being let down. Love covers (1 Peter 4:8). If she has been hurt by other men in this way, I understand that’s not your fault. However, now that she is your wife, her pain has become your responsibility. So then, make certain you are prepared to be faithful and never, ever violate that trust. If you do, it can be impossible to gain it back.
God has designed woman to be man’s help-meet. (Genesis 2:18) This is not to say, your wife is not competent to make her own decisions. By no means! She was getting along just fine before you came into the picture. However, once in the covenant of marriage, she is commanded by God to submit to you. (Ephesians 5:22) (In some ways you are to submit to her as well, but that’s another lesson) If that be true, you are responsible to lead her in a Godly way. This is not your opportunity to lord over your wife, to be a bully or a dictator, but to truly lead. (Ephesians 5:23) It may not seem like it, but she wants you to take the initiative, be her man and lead. So that means you have to set goals for your family, and she will help you meet them. She will do this because she will respect the God-given vision and order for your relationship.
If you are going to lead, you also have to be considerate. The bottom line is this … SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO FOLLOW YOU, DUDE! Like I said before, she was doing just fine before you. So if she has submitted to you, it is because she wants to. It is for this reason you have to consider her in every decision you make. (Ephesians 5:29b) Now she won’t always “get her way”, but she should always “get her say”. God has given you that woman for a reason. TO HELP YOU! Her opinion is always valuable, so always value it!
Communicate, communicate, communicate! I can’t say it enough. Your wife (more than likely) loves to talk, and as part of considering her, you must listen and understand her as well. MAKE THE EFFORT!
She is a beautiful, intelligent, and talented woman. Make sure she knows that’s what you think of her. It is very easy for your wife to lose herself in the process of being wife and mom, but you have to keep that woman you fell in love with alive. Don’t let her forget that she is sexy. Don’t allow her to neglect her own, individual passions. This world, nor your marriage revolves around you; make certain that she knows you recognize her God-given uniqueness.
In conclusion, I have to be honest. I, myself, have not perfectly done what I’ve shared here with you. I have learned most of this through my own error, but that doesn’t make it any less true. Make it your goal to study your wife, and learn every way to the best husband for her. You have till death do you part, so make every moment count.
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